Am I a noisy gong, or clanging cymbal?
I woke up at 6, and worked until 3:30. To which I drove home an hour and made something to eat fast, before I headed out the door. It is VBS night after all. When I got there, I was surprised be to paired up with the pastors daughter, who like me, is 19. And we began to get kids. first, it was just 2. And then 2 turned into 7. And 7 turned into 10. And before I knew it, Tess and I had 24 kids sitting around us. Praise God!
It was fun, I wouldn’t have chosen to spend a hectic, crazy night with anyone else, EXCEPT Tess. We became fast battle buddies.
At the end of the night though, things got mixed in translation, and we ended up handing out bags that we weren’t supposed to hand out. And one of the adults completely flipped out on us. She was throwing her hands in the air, and sighing. She started hyperventilating and running all around. My grandma (who was her helper) tried to hug her and tell her it was gonna be okay we can figure it out. But, she threw off my grandmas hands and pushed her out of the way and stormed out. Im pretty sure she was almost in tears.
I came home, failure heavy in my heart. Feeling so inadequate. Who am I but a nineteen year old girl trying to keep up with 24 k-2nd graders, after a long shift at work? And although my dad told me it “wasn’t about me” (which I know its not, but i still feel so bad and like I failed them) (also, real encouraging dad), I recalled a verse that I love very much:
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all that I have and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
See, VBS is a beautiful thing. Its a whole week of fun and laughter and most importantly pouring into the lives of little people and speaking the truth into their hearts. I love it, and I always have, and I probably always will. At the end of the day though, we can do all the skits, all the crafts, all the stories, all the games, we can hit every note in the music, and do the dances flawlessly, but if we have not love, what is it worth in the end? Perspective check: If I allow my heart to be so wrapped up in inadequacy and failure that I can’t love, that I’m a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And I begin to feel convicted about other areas in my life, how often do I say things, or do things, or think things that just aren’t loving? At the end of the day, I don’t want to be a gong or a cymbal, I want to imitate the love my Lord and Savior had. My prayer is that He will live through me, in the good, in the bad, in the ugly, in the beautiful, in the hard, in the failures, and in my successes. In absolutely and undoubtedly everything I do, God please live Your love through me.
For someone else’s comfort -
Do not become small
For people who refuse to grow.
i want to slow dance with you in the kitchen at 1am in our pyjamas i want to stand ankle-deep in the ocean with you shrieking about how cold it is like little girls i want to make hot cocoa and blanket forts with you once we’re far too old for either i want to be able to roll over at 4am and feel your heartbeat in my bones because i love you deeply and forever
i miss when i was like 12 and it would be the night before a big field trip or something and i couldnt go to sleep because i was so excited. i miss being so into a book that i would stay up past my bed time reading it. everything seems so bland or something idk. i’m only 19 and everything is so tiring. i miss wanting to be awake
Someone just took how i’ve felt for the past two years and put it into words.
Wanna look beautiful.
And feel beautiful.
Is that too much to ask ?